Today I had to do something that was so humbling, it took me a few hours to process the feelings.
I had to ask my own children, who are just 6 and 9, for a loan.
Times have been very rough at this castle. I have struggled with my ADHD without medication for nearly eight months now. In the spring, during a rough quarter of graduate school, I backed out of nearly all my freelance writing jobs. In June, I backed out of all but one (I’m still writing four articles a month for FiPath.). I am attending school this summer and my university just switched from quarters to semesters which means my tuition went up…a lot. My student loan money did not increase.
Money is VERY tight right now.
After finding out about an issue with my internet provider, my bill came to me this month at $108. Apparently I hadn’t been paying it for a few months, unknown to me and they decided to shut it off this weekend. I understand shutting it off after no payments for three months, I do. BUT I didn’t know about this until four weeks ago. After getting fees credited and a payment to be rejected, I was told to wait until my bill ran again before I pay it. I did that but it wasn’t in enough time, service was disconnected on Friday. (and another fee assessed, I’m just going to swallow that one)
My cell phone bill is behind as well. It was a bit larger than normal from the month of June for a number of reasons and I haven’t had the funds to pay it.
All of these things added onto my already very low checking account (I haven’t worked my part time job in nearly 2 months for a few reasons, one of which is lack of actual opportunities when I didn’t have the kids.) has made me very stressed about money right now.
I need to pay my internet bill as well as my cell phone bill and student loan money isn’t coming for another three weeks. I only estimate $300 in earnings coming to me in that time as well. So I decided to borrow money from my kids’ banks.
I sat down on the floor and told them that I was going to need a loan from their piggy banks BUT when I pay them back in a few weeks they’ll be getting more than I borrowed. I used this time to explain to them how interest works and that for them, it’s a great investment because they don’t really need the money right now.
I may have turned this issue into a teaching moment for them but having to admit that mommy was low on cash was very humbling. I’ve been trying to put on a good face for them since we moved out of my mom’s house a year ago. I want them to feel more secure (and I think they do) and not hear “no, I don’t have the money” so often.
The kids both agreed that it was fine for me to borrow the money, wanted to know how much they’d get back and then hugged me tight.
Do I have the best kids or what?
I learned a lot from this conversation with my kids but I wonder if I’m teaching them something good or not? I try to explain to them the importance of a savings account, yet I can’t manage to keep one for longer than a couple of months before dipping into it. I try to use my mistakes to show them the right way to do things, like I do with this blog. I really hope I’m succeeding.
What do you think? Should I have stayed away from the kids’ money? Am I teaching them a bad lesson?
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Do not beat yourself up. And really, give yourself a pat on the back…I never told my kids when I borrowed money from their savings. If things were tight, I would just borrow the money and then return it on payday. It never even crossed my mind to make it a lesson about money. Good for you for discussing it with them – and make sure they see you put it back (showing you kept your word). I think you made a smart decision.
Madeline(Quote)
Sounds like you handled it with them in the best way possible. I’m on the fence about the action itself, I can see pros and cons, but hopefully it’s a one time thing.
Money Beagle(Quote)
I’ve borrowed from my kids, too. I’ve also had them use their own money for “extra” things they want. Honestly, aside from keeping a savings account, you’re also teaching them to avoid using creditors to solve financial problems. I think you handled the situation well. Families stick together is probably the most important lesson of this particular story! I also tell my kids (probably too often) that I don’t have money for this or that, and we have to save up if we want something.
Kristy(Quote)
No, you did just fine. You sat down and talked to them before you did it — and they said it was ok. I honestly believe that kids can handle a lot of the rough stuff we try and shield them from — as long as we explain it only in the detail they need to know, and we reassure them that we love them (and aren’t going anywhere).
These things happen. You WILL get through this.
Last post: http://cindybrick.blogspot.com/2012/07/i-heart-turkey-red.html
Cindy Brick(Quote)
Twitter: hithatsmybike
I don’t know, this makes me really uncomfortable. I think it’s inappropriate. I don’t think you should ever ask your children for money.
But I don’t have kids so I don’t know how good my opinion is.
Bridget(Quote)
God I love this blog — how many parents do this but would never admit it? My perspective is from the flip side: my parents borrowed from me a few times when I was a kid. It made me feel proud of contributing and relieved to see my parents be able to pay the bill. It was more stressful to know they were having financial problems and feel anxious and unsure of what was going on and how to help. Sometimes it’s as simple as: kids worry when their parents are unhappy.
They always paid me back without me having to ask (which is good because I don’t think I would have asked) and I liked feeling like we were all in this together. As a teenager during a really hard time, they asked me to take a part time job to help with family expenses. I know it killed them to do it, and they still thank me 25 years later. It honestly wasn’t anything major but my parents were so appreciative that it helped form my identity as a responsible/hardworking person.
However once I got older and moved out, lending money back and forth put a huge weird strain on our relationship. It was really important that I completely separated money from my relationship with my parents and strike out as my own person with control over my own financial future.
Tiffany(Quote)
I also think it’s inappropriate to borrow from your kids. You taught them that it’s ok to take a loan when you don’t have the money. My mom used to take money from me and as an adult I don’t have much of a relationship with her. I also sent money to my sister for her 18th birthday and my Mom took that… Makes me think my Mom is a thief.
http://www.donation-can.com
Lacey(Quote)
Hi Debt Princess,
Firstly, I really enjoy your blog. This is the first time I’ve felt compelled to write a replay. I love your honesty, and really believe you are doing the absolute best job you can, under circumstances that are less than easy. So well done, you!
The bible says that we are not to charge interest to our brethern. Ever!(The bible is very strong on protecting the vulnerable, and protection of the poor is a very strong theme throughout) so, in this case, paying your children interest – and teaching your children that family members are to pay interest to each other on loans – is inappropriate.
Your children rely on you primarily to teach them right and wrong. Don’t let them learn to charge you, or each other, interest on loans. It’s unfortunate you are out of money. It’s not the first time, and it may not be the last time you run out of money.
Their money is their money, so it needs to be paid back. And you need to show them you take their loans seriously, and do indeed pay it back (as this teaches them that your word is your bond, and they can trust you) but you should not pay interest, or teach your children to charge interest to their family members.
Cecilia(Quote)
I’m glad my parents didn’t steal from me. Take some financial responsibility and keep track of your bills. Stop blaming your ADHD for everything.
Jeff(Quote)
You are so strong for sharing this! I don’t have and kids but I have a savings account set up for my niece and nephews and I’ve had to borrow from this account from time to time. They don’t know this account exists so it’s much easier for me to dip into the account when needed. I think we’ve all been there. I even had a low while in college where I had to ask a few coworkers for change to make it home. But everything was a learning experience. I learned a lot from each and every one of those experience and it always makes me glad to help out someone else who is struggling because I know that eventually it gets SO much better. Just hang in there and good luck!!!
CrystalH(Quote)
I agree with the others that you are brave for sharing this! First, stop judging yourself – we’re not judging you! Really, think about the alternative; I think it’s better to borrow from someone you trust – and who, obviously, trusts you IMPLICITLY – than to borrow in a riskier situation.
Elizabeth @ Broke Professionals(Quote)
Twitter: thirtysixmonths
While I do appreciate the honesty, and understand that it must have taken a lot courage to admit to it, I am saddened that you feel that asking your kids to “borrow” is ok. Was that money yours? No. Should you be responsible for keeping track of your bills? Yes.
We’re grown ups, and we have to handle things in a grown-up manner; borrowing from your kids in not appropriate in any way.
Having WORKED/STUDIED with quite a few people who have had ADHD in the last 10 years, I have seen first hand that it is manageable, and not something to be used as a crutch.
What lesson are you teaching your kids when they see you having to deal with bills that are chronically late, quit multiple jobs which seem to be your only source of income, and live off of student loans, and then go to them and ask to borrow money?
Marissa @ Thirtysixmonths(Quote)
My mother borrowed off me a couple of times when I was a young girl, and she always paid me back. I also knew my mother hated borrowing off me, but she had no other option – she didn’t have access to any other money in that moment. It’s important that this option be used as a last resort only, and the money always be paid back promptly.
Debt Princess, you are doing a wonderful job raising your children, and going to school and everything else, and I feel very proud of you for all you have accomplished. You’re an inspiration (and you’re writing style is fabulous), and how much you love your kids really shines through. Keep going! Lacking money is horribly stressful, but you will get through this. Just stay the course!
Cecilia(Quote)
First off, I just found your blog and I find it inspiring! Keep up the good work.
Honestly, I don’t know what I would have done in your situation. I can’t see myself borrowing money from my kids (I also have never been where you are, either), BUT, you are teaching them a valuable lesson in the process.
What’s done is done, just make this loan priority one and pay them back before you doubt yourself too much.
MoneyGeek(Quote)
I think this is a brave post to write. I’ve never been in this position financially, so I can’t really say what I would do. But one thing in this post concerned me more than actually borrowing money from your children — why are you not taking your ADHD medication? I would think that medication must need to be the highest of priorities on the budget front, even before bills. Is there any way to get financial assistance for medication where you live?
I hope the next few months are easier on you. We all need to get a few breaks some time!
coffee with julie(Quote)