As you know, I’ve spent the past 2 weeks on a blogging break. I’ve been using this time to catch up on some back logged work (you’ll see a giveaway that I posted as well as a couple of sponsored posts that I needed to publish). I rocked the socks off my midterm exam by scoring a 98%! Booyah! And I have spent the time doing a serious evaluation of my life.
Recently, I have felt like I was having a midlife crisis. I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do with my life and I wasn’t sure if my current choice of grad school was the right choice. I’ve struggled with my decision to be a teacher since I was a teacher. There are aspects of the job that I was not successful at. These aren’t easy to describe to someone unless they are a teacher themselves.
I was great with the kids and I have a true passion for helping others. I really love working with the toughest of kids whether they have severe behaviors or multiple disabilities. When I was substitute teaching last school year, I was very happy. I loved being back in the schools and often wished I could be there full time. But the lesson plans, documentation, long term planning and follow-thru on projects were things that slipped by me. I frequently struggled to stay on task with my lesson plans and was easily distracted.
I was also not on medication for my ADHD the last time I was teaching.
This realization hit me last week while I was in class.
There I was sitting in “Diverse Approaches to Educational Research on Teaching and Learning,” discussing “non-experimental quantitative research studies” when it occurred to me:
I am scared!
I am scared of failing again (and in my head I feel like I failed at most parts of teaching).
I’m scared of going back into the classroom and not being able to function to the level that I need to function.
I’m scared of allowing my ADHD to continue to rule my life.
After I made this realization, I was able to start brainstorming ways to get through this fear (notice I’m still not following the discussion about non-experimental quantitative research studies). I’m starting with an appointment with my advisor. I want to make sure I stay on the path to graduate in May of next year, although I’m worried that I won’t be able to until December of 2013. I also want to pick her brain to see if there are any tips she might have for what I can do to prepare for another job.
My line of thinking is that when I am hired for a new teaching job, I will need to hire an educational consultant or an ADHD coach to help me be successful.
With this new revelation I find myself less stressed, at peace even. For the first time in nearly a year I’m feeling like my graduate program is the right one for me and the correct path for me to be taking. I still want to keep blogging and freelance writing. My goals are still the same, to grow this blog into an eventual book and speaking engagements. I want to develop a financial literacy program to use with high school students and I think my educational background would really help.
For now, I stay the course. I am going to schedule classes for the short 7 week semester this summer and then the fall semester. I’m also going to FINALLY get my substitute applications in to the districts in the area so I can do some subbing in the fall.
And I’m back to blogging! Hoping to keep my posts to about 3 a week but you know me, right? I tend not to stick to any sort of posting schedule for very long (ADHD is a bitch, yo!).
“Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it.” tinyurl.com/cdjtlv9
— Jessica (@Debt_Princess) May 7, 2012
Photo Credit: Kripptic on Flickr.
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