Yesterday I attempted to reconnect with an old friend. We will possibly be running into each other very soon and I had really hoped that we could catch up. I hoped to renew the friendship that once meant so much to me.
It didn’t work out the way I had hoped.
She was short with me. She didn’t return the sentiments that I sincerely offered up. I miss her, I really do but it would seem as if that’s not the reciprocated.
Something happened more than a year ago that put a strain on our friendship. I’m not certain what was the final straw, whether she did something that left a bad taste in my mouth or I did something that caused her to pull away. To me, though, it doesn’t matter what happened. I’d like the opportunity to move forward and see if our friendship was one that could be rekindled.
When I look back, it seems that the demise of our friendship began when I could no longer afford to maintain the lifestyle we were living. We were spending a lot of money on entertainment and when my life began to fall apart, our friendship suffered.
I’d like to hope that we weren’t just friends because we had a good time together on the weekends. I really would like to believe that she cared about me. She was very supportive of me in the beginning when I had to say “no” and cancel plans. She seemed to understand why I had to do it. In fact, the last time we were together it was because I had saved up the money to have some fun. She was so supportive of my efforts and cheered me on along the way. She was my cheerleader then!
Now I reflect on what went wrong. Maybe I vented to her too much? Maybe I complained more than she could handle listening to. Maybe I didn’t take the time to recognize that I was doing all the taking and not offering anything back in return?
I have far fewer friends today than I did two years ago.
The hole that I dug for myself was so deep that I got stuck in there for awhile. It began as a financial hole, full of debt, unemployment and uncertainty but it became a deep, bottomless pit of emotions as well.
My situation weighed so heavy on me that I often cried myself to sleep and then woke up to more tears.
The depression and shame that I felt over what I had done to my finances left me unable to nurture my side of a friendship. I’ve lost more friends than I’ve been able to maintain.
Maintaining friends when financial troubles are a part of your life is difficult. The advice that most people give is that if they couldn’t stick by you during the tough times, then they probably weren’t that great of a friend may be true but it doesn’t hurt any less.
I miss many of my old friends, those I’ve lost during my rough years of financial instability and deep depression, those I’ve lost due to lack of effort on my part and those who have slipped by due to a misunderstanding. I wish you well and I hope that someday life presents us an opportunity to fix what has broken.
To those friends who are still by my side, I love you immensely. Whether you are on the other side of the country routing me on via text message or in another hemisphere offering me smiles and laughter, I love you! To those friends who are nearby but so busy that we let opportunities to connect, I love you! I promise to try harder to be a better friend to you all.
And to that friend who I contacted yesterday, I was sincere in my words. I miss you. I hope someday we can move past what has happened to forge a new and better friendship.
Have you had difficulty maintaining friendship when money was tight?
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